Lauryn Hill and the Universe

A few of my ‘music critic’ friends inboxed me this tune on some “what chya’ think?” business. They know I am both hip-hop head and a fan of Lauryn’s heart and lyricism.  I didn’t reply to the emails because I think not.

I am in a space where I believe that what I think or what anyone else thinks should not matter. What matters is that L-Boogie is in creation and release mode. The world doesn’t just miss her, but people miss authentic passion, we miss artistic voices that are in alignment with their own hearts and not just their pocketbooks, we miss that fine line that true artists walk when the core of one’s creativity looks like “crazy” to “civilians” (i.e. non-artists) but to those truly in the artistic zone– it’s just processing, it’s re-centering.

When one’s purpose has been so clearly outlined and defined the universe will not allow he or she to stray to far from it. Resistance is futile. True artists either create or they shrivel up and die. Death doesn’t necessarily mean being six feet under.   It also includes the soulless and the walking dead. Plenty of the zombies we see during rush hour have “that thing” and gifts that could inspire the world but for some reason are not sharing them in this lifetime.

What do I think? I think that divine order is at work. I think that the universe has left her no option but to create and release. We’ve all been in that space where God put a foot in your ass–when you waited too long to leave a relationship or didn’t move when intuition told you to.  It’s amazing how life will create circumstances that force us out of our self-imposed funks.  Lauryn’s energy has so little to do with Lauryn right now. My only prayer is that she remembers the big picture and she crosses these sands of fire victoriously. We are all connected and the energy that we put out impacts all those around us. It resonates. Because of her connection to millions of people around the world, I imagine that with even the slightest amount of focus and a willingness to stay on a higher vibration these new Lauryn releases have the potential to impact the stagnation and ‘stank’ that are plaguing hip-hop music and culture.

Just let the music play…

Lauryn Hill Neurotic Society Compulsory Mix

Listening to the Silence of the Storm

Listening to the Silence of the Storm

With the wind blowing, snow falling and the windows sweating as if they were in a Bikram yoga class, I wanted nothing more than to see the moon above. If my timbs weren’t in the back of a cluttered closet I probably would’ve stepped outside.  Instead, I sat with my dinner and pressed play on the last episode of Scandal. An hour later I was back to my reality so I washed dishes and crawled underneath the sheets. I contemplated watching another episode, but turned off my computer and picked up a book. Sleep came sooner than expected. I surrendered and ventured off to la-la land.

Adrea, my dear friend and big sister, was in my dreams. Unlike when she was alive she seemed very happy. I don’t remember many dreams, but every once in a while details will stay in my head. I haven’t figured out the symbolism of this dream. Music was playing, she was dancing and seemed to be reminding me to have fun.  Ironically, during the last years of her life, she was addicted to suffering and had an aversion to joy.  Maybe that was the message of my dream? Let go of suffering, embrace joy.

It is the morning of snow storm Nemo. The ground, the rooftops, and the cars are all covered with the glorious white stuff.  It is also Day 6 of my cleanse. However, it has been less of a cleanse and more of highly disciplined meal plan where I am mostly consuming living foods, juices and smoothies. This is the lifestyle change I want to make.

Both storms and cleanses bring me clarity. I woke a little after 7am realizing I had slept through the night. Exhaling, I lit a white candle, burned Sudanese coconut oil and boiled water for my morning regimen. Sitting here in the quiet, sipping my first concoction of the day, I am allowing thoughts and insights to come.  I am thinking of the people in my life right now and how different my life is from a year ago. Everyone close to me is value-added, amazing, loving and kind. I even get the sense that the one’s I am not in touch with are somewhere growing, healing and becoming better people. I made a forgiveness list a couple of weeks ago and it was so incredibly short that I had to double-check it a few times. My emotional baggage is lighter and so am I.

There are over 400,000 people without power in Massachusetts this morning and 10,000 right here in Long Island, NY. I am grateful for the warmth my home is providing while praying that the folks are safe.  Storms can bring us the silence we need to hear. I hear the messages from my dream and I can hear my own thoughts this morning.  The stillness is reminding me of my priorities and of what I need to be grateful for.  While the snow accumulates, I am becoming clearer about what I need to release.  The melting of this snow will be symbolic for me, as the ice melts into the earth I will let go. I am letting go of bad habits, I am letting go of worries and fears, I am letting go foods that don’t serve my health, I am letting go of insecurities and I am stepping into love—loving myself more deeply, loving others more passionately, walking love, breathing love, being love. I am inhaling joy. Thank you Adrea…for the reminder.

On Trayvon’s Birthday

When I was a little girl my grandpa would encourage me to sit and talk. Sometimes he would say, “tell me something good Tojo.” There were other times he would ask me about something I had said or done or he might make a comment and wait for me to respond. I guess, it does not matter what sparked the dialogue, but what is important is that it would happen. Even more important than that was that he would listen.

As a precocious, sensitive, creative, old soul of a child, he was often my saving grace. I often felt misunderstood and out of place. I escaped into the crevices of my mind imagining myself growing up in another city or country thinking that would have made my life easier. Only now do I realize that I would be who I was going to be no matter where I was. Still, traveling, even if only in my dreams, was an important coping mechanism for me as a child.

My grandpa worked long, hard hours at the steel mill. Cut and strong, he was fit his entire life. That’s how I remember him. He never blinked when I asked tough questions, his southern drawl would just stretch out a “welllll…” as he paused to think. I could go hard– questioning religion or race, comment on my uncles or aunts, challenge my mother’s perspective. He listened. Maybe that’s what we need right now? A communal elder to be a sounding board for all of the sadness, frustration and anger that is floating in the air.

I was reading online news media and came across an article on the Trayvon Martin case and the trial of George Zimmerman. After reading it and realizing that today is Trayvon’s birthday I searched for a picture of him to post on Facebook. I found a graphically enhanced image that is so angelic it’s almost haunting. Looking into his eyes brought tears to mine. Ironically, I had just finished blasting “All Gold Everything” to wrap up my musical breakfast of A Tribe Called Quest and KRS One. Except for the occasional whistling of the radiator and the hum coming from the fridge in the kitchen, my place is silent.  The quiet has brought me little comfort.

It’s funny how discomfort can send us back to our childhood, back to familiar spaces as we search within our souls for safety. My grandfather has been gone for two decades now, but I still think of him in moments like this. I can see young Toni, strong yet with such a fragile heart, wanting answers to the world’s contradictions, wanting someone to explain injustice, to make the wrong make sense or at least sound right. Years later, I sit across the country on the East Coast and not the West, I sit at my desk in my apartment instead of a rocking chair at my grandparents’ home, I am a well-traveled adult with credentials and life experience to boot, but still I long for someone who cares about my peace of mind and the emotional wellness of all people, to explain why this kind of injustice is even possible. I get that there are laws and policies. I understand that there is government and agencies but what about humanity? What about righteousness and fairness? I don’t expect any answers and I’m evolved enough to know that wishing my grandfather from the dead won’t help, but memories can sometime serve as comfort even if only for a few moments.

The Final Draft: Another Step on my Journey

Toni Spittin’ & Speaking in Kang, Botswana

There are incredible things happening in my life right now, but the most important news of the month is that the third draft of my book, Travels of a Lyrical Ambassador, is done.

This has been such a journey.  The journey clarified for me and helped me accept that my narrative and technical writing are not so strong.  I figured that out the hard way after nine months of labor on nine chapters of my life as a citizen diplomat. Then I was left with two options:   to decide if I was going to take writing classes and/or just get a co-writer. I opted for a co-writer.  That was the second part of “the journey”. It took almost two years for the right person to reveal themselves to me. He did not look like what I pictured at all, but I’m not regular so why would my co-author relationship look ‘normal’.   A writer friend shared his unsolicited feedback.  He was against the idea of me working with the co-writer I had chosen and also felt that I being an artist should and must write this story all by myself. During the conceptualization phase—-I never take seriously the critique of one who has not produced.  Later on in the development of an idea I am wide open to perspectives from other minds, but if I haven’t read your book, listened to your songs, looked at your paintings, or watched your movies, you may as well visualize me with my hands over my ears.

The creative process is a delicate one especially for a sensitive creative such as myself. Ridding myself of perfectionism and self judgment has been hard enough. Sometimes we think we have grown because we are now more gentle with ourselves only to realize that we’ve created relationships with people who we hire to do the judging for us. I thoroughly enjoyed sharing the workload of this creative project with my 26 year old-white male-flip-flop wearing in NYC- teaching-English-in- China co-writer friend and colleague.  He is a hip hop head, from the West Coast and loves international culture just as much as I do, so we bonded.

I thought having a co-writer would make it easier but that was not the case. It was still my stories, my voice, and I needed to now balance out my procrastination with the need for collaboration.  Add to that the idea that revealing my inner-most thoughts and opinions to the general public
felt a little scary. I mean, let’s get naked in front of the whole world and write a book about it? Who does that?! Well, that is what true artists do. Now, I know.

The manuscript is now in my lawyer’s hands.  He will read it this weekend and we will discuss next steps. Literary agent? E-book and distribution deal? Indie/self-publishing? This morning I admitted to someone in an email that I am going through that artist self-questioning process right now. Maybe that’s why I am so protective of my creativity these days. Maybe that’s why I feel so soft and vulnerable when I share.

Anyway, “Beats, Rhymes and Life” and “Best of A Tribe Called Quest” is the soundtrack for my morning. Although my only movements today include moving the car from one side of the street to the other and maybe to a yoga class at Sacred Brooklyn, but it is perfect traveling music. Indeed.

Who Will You Be on December 22nd?

 

December 21^st is calling for us to choose who it is we want to be.  How do we want to walk in this world? How do we want to see ourselves? What are we like in this next phase? What are we doing? What has been transformed about us? The end of the world as we know it is approaching as we move into an era of enlightenment.  This is a time of ascension. What does your ascension look like? Think big. Dream big. This is a time for big leaps and manifestation.  The energy is high. The momentum us strong. Choose powerfully. This is a time where we can be influencers in our destiny.  Be very clear about what you are creating in your life. 

Breathe for a minute.

Who will you be on December 22^nd?

These words were spoken last night at the monthly Healers Circle I attend.  Alicia,   the spiritual healer, counselor and a mentor to many on this path of wellness, asked these questions above.  I wanted to share them with you so that as you move through the week you might also consider what’s next on your journey.  There’s a big to do being made about December 21st, 2012 and the end of the world.  There is talk of a major shift happening in 2012 not only in reference to the Mayan Calendar, but in the I Ching, also by the Hopi people (Native American),  in the bible, there were predictions by Nostradamus and others.  I’m not one to get caught up in the doom and gloom, but I am fascinated by the idea that we are moving into an age of enlightenment. The thought that truth, honesty, and love will reign, that collectivism will rise above individualism, and that more people will commit their lives to actualizing their highest selves inspires me–even if it is just a thought. Imagine millions of people thinking this same thought at the same time.  The possibilities become more and more real.

Alicia talked about the gift that is there waiting for each of us.  Wrap your mind and your heart around the biggest vision for yourself possible.  Breathe it in, breathe it in.

Ashe.

 

 

Sunday Ciphers: Hip-hop Healing The World

For years I’ve wanted to bring what I do around the world back to my hometown, Pittsburg, California. When I met Shannon and Robin, program directors for DLA Literary Arts Program, a community driven hip-hop project, I knew that this would happen.  However, I had no idea that on a Sunday in September we would gather to do God’s work through rhyme.   

Yesterday’s freestyle workshop and master-class was one of my best ever.  When the artists started showing up on a Sunday and on the day of the Seafood Festival, one of Pittsburg’s biggest events of the year, and then a videographer manifested to document the process after I had challenges securing one, I knew that magic was going to unfold. My opening focused on knowing why you do what you do and the idea that the cipher is a sacred space.  When true artists practice improvisation, freestyling can be meditative and heart opening.  It’s not freestyle versus writing, it is freestyle AND writing, it is using improvisation to get centered, to access new levels of creativity, and to release stress.  I also talked about committing to the craft, to making excellence and one’s personal best the goal.

As we got into the exercises and activities the group morphed into a collective sponge.  They soaked up every concept being offered to them.  When participants respond to the facilitator’s guidance in that way it becomes a powerful exchange that feeds the workshop leader’s soul just as much as those who are ‘in’ the workshop.  We were each in the zone.  One of the women MC’s started to tear up during her freestyle, the guys were compassionate but didn’t flinch into patronization or discomfort. I paused to acknowledge that sometimes we cry, that truth can move us so deeply that it triggers emotions, and that we women, we cry and that is ok.  There were a nice range of ages present, a few girls, and a number of different flows and styles. We had such an incredible cipher.

DLA Literary Arts project was born out of a mother’s grief and frustration.  Her son, a young visionary entrepreneur and hip-hop producer/engineer, who built a studio, a business and a crew, was killed in a random act of violence. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Half of the participants were his friends, young people who loved him and counted on the energy of his leadership.  I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that the 2010 murder is just going to trial today.  Chalk it up to Divine Order that our workshop would land the day before.  The co-program director told me they had no idea the workshop would be so uplifting.  Instead of walking out with heavier hearts, the artists and the mother walked out with hope.  Her son’s spirit was all over the room.

It is 5:30am in the morning.  I am awake because my body is still on Eastern Standard Time, but I am sure they too are up early for different reasons.  I cannot imagine what each of them are feeling right now or what this day will bring for them. It is my prayer that they might remember and conjure up the energy of the cipher, to center themselves in the idea that their creative light can still shine and that the legacy of DLA lives and breathes through them, through the mother’s work with this program and through each of the artists every time they hold the mic.

It was an honor to share space with them and to share my time and energy.  I look forward to deepening our work relationship and generating opportunities to do business together.  Hip-hop can be a powerful tool for healing and transformation.  DLA, I give thanks for the reminder- the cipher is indeed a sacred space.

Rest in Peace:  D’Mario Lavelle Anderson

One of the reasons why I Rhyme like a Girl….

A repost from Facebook that moved me so much I needed to share it again.  It helps to articulate one of the reasons I’m so committed to the work with the cipher, with Freestyle Union & why Rhyme like a Girl is on the top of my agenda:

“Hip-Hop is not a counterculture. Hip-hop is a reflection of American culture.
Though we may have rebelled to some degree to create our art form, the way we think about our community is really no different from the country we were birthed in. In fact, it is just a microcosm, a reiteration. We cannot say that we are creating real change and a paradigm shift if we do not think differently with rega

rds to patriarchy, misogyny, classism, racism, and all the other sundry of societal ills that must be addressed and worked on consistently.How many times have I been told I am a good dancer (for a girl)?

How many times have men told me passive aggressively OR directly to shut up but once men say the same thing they listen?

How many times have I been called out into the cipher with children AFTER the men dance?

How many times have women stood to the side during lectures, ciphers, and not side by side with the men as equal contributors and participants?

Hip-hop could be so beautifully revolutionary but it’s not because we don’t think and act any different than the oppressive forces that pushed us to either create the art form or to be a part of the community?

Let’s practice and create Hip-Hop the way it was intended: to go against the status quo and create new ways of living in this world.” -Yvonne H. Chow