Post inspirations are coming in the quiet of the night/early morn. Somewhere between 3:30am and 5am, I find myself awake. This weekend has been intense on so many levels. After some weekend plans fell through, I turned my disappointment into a positive by using the time to focus on all of the change in my life.
Change is on the horizon. I am packing for a move. I am releasing. As I let go of that which no longer serves me, I am noticing the resistance. Why are we humans prone to holding onto the old? This convo makes me think about all the ways that we hold on—to friendships and old relationships that don’t nurture us anymore, to grudges, to pain from the past.
Here in my apartment I examine each piece of paper and each item of clothing as if it is connected to my person. None of these things has ever given me life-force energy or love, but I act as if it’s wrong to let go. I’ve removed the CD collection from the plastic, thrown lots of CD’s away and am now looking at my bookshelf as if it’s an old lover who has me under a spell. When I moved into this place 5 years ago I condensed my book collection from two shelves to one. Technological developments make it possible to get rid of all of it. I could scan papers and photos, upload music and video, and get a lot of these books on an ipad or kindle. Change is not only on the horizon, it is inevitable.
As we move into the summer, I am visualizing myself free from attachment to things and stuff. It is my intention to make room for the new—for new ideas, for new energy, for new relationships in my life. I’ll never be a minimalist, but I am hopeful that I can evolve into the kind of person who values peace of mind more than material possessions. I often think of my friend who survived Hurricane Katrina. He is a jack-of-all-trades kind of music guy, who lost his record collection, his books and all kinds of memorabilia. Once he began to confront the trauma and the loss he started to look at his life differently. He realized how many dreams he hadn’t lived and he went about the business of living his life a lot more full out. Letting go of family and family expectations was not easy for him, but he says that even though a lot of the challenges he currently faces are directly connected to Katrina, he is grateful to 1)be alive and 2)to be able to choose life, to live life full out.
So, I’ve said ‘goodbye’ to lots of stuff and need to say goodbye to lots more as I prepare to change apartments. Soon I will say hello to a new me. She is a woman who understands that people are valuable, that love is critically important and that living a full life with the freedom ‘to be’ is more important than ‘things’.