Sleeping with the fan on blast two nights in a row has left me feeling a little sniffly. I thought not using AC would prevent this feeling but alas here I am drinking extra lemon water to warm my throat. William Vaughn’s “Be Thankful For What You Got” is blasting through my blue-tooth speaker as summer reminds us she is still here. I’ve meditated on gratitude since I rolled over at 6am. It was two hours before my alarm but I felt so good I couldn’t wait to greet the day.
No flutes, native American drums or Kora music this morning, my meditation soundtrack was pure soul music from my childhood. I’ve listened to the original version by William Vaughn, the version by Curtis Mayfield, the one with Omar and the version Omar does with Erykah Badu. I am what they call a “repeater”. I can loop the same song and listen to it for an hour before tiring of it. The line “you may not have a car at all, but remember brothers and sisters you can still stand tall” — makes me think of the images from Ferguson which brought me both tears and inspiration. Gratitude was the rope I used to hang on during the past month. I tied a knot at the end of the rope and decided I was not going to get lost in the emotional abyss and I was not going to check out either. I am choosing to be fully present regardless of the chaos of this world.
It’s September 3rd, my Birthday Eve, and I’m feeling some kind of way about life. Honestly, it wasn’t until a few years ago that I stopped being surprised that I was still alive. For the first 30 years of my life I had to channel Jack Johnson and Muhammad Ali in my fight against the fear of death. Behind my smile was this recurring and haunting thought. Our minds can be powerful tools for elevation or for destruction. I recently lost three folks I knew in one week, two women and one man, each of them in my age group. A friend who I share the spiritual path with suggests I not use the word “lost” but reference it in a more powerful, uplifting way. I’m working on it and still seeking the word(s).
Coincidentally as I am sitting here writing about death, Dr. Sari, a Brooklyn-based holistic chiropractor and healer, sent me a video text focused on life. She is sharing her Day 2 intentions for her 30 day juice cleanse. I have an accountability partner for exercise, movement and my emotions/energy. Dr. Sari is now my accountability partner for what I put inside my mouth. They say when the student is ready the teachers will appear.
I told Jomo, the acupuncturist at Third Root Community Healing Center, that I am finally ready to heal. I was not ready before now. The resources that I am coming across are amazing and not as coincidental as one might think. Doing healing research on Saturday led me to discover a Womb Workshop on Sunday. It was free and led by Sankofa Ra, a doula, healer and womb wellness consultant. I ended up booking a healing session with her on Labor Day right after my chiropractor appointment. It’s symbolic to do this work at the beginning of September, at the end of summer and the week of my birthday.
I am grateful to now be free of bitterness and to be one who can trust her own heart, to be an artist who has honored the core of her true purpose, to be a woman of integrity, to know how to be happy for others, to have traveled to Europe, Asia and South America, to have lived the dream of nurturing a relationship with Africa, to be a Howard University Alum, to live in Brooklyn, NYC, to not have any toxic friendships, to be in love with myself, to have a healthy relationship and to be on this spiritual path, healing and walking towards wholeness. It was through a few recent conversations with friends who questioned my alone time that I realized how much I now like me, how much more patient I am with life and its process, how much more clear and intentional I am with both my thoughts and actions. The quiet time of the past two weeks won’t last forever so I am cherishing it. If it were raining I would go outside and dance in it as an affirmation to the universe: I am here and fully present.
Be thankful for what you got so says the song and that is exactly what I am going to do. I am dreaming and envisioning the life I want without attachment to the outcome. I am also grateful for who I am becoming. This evolution has involved sacrifice, surrender, sweat and tears. Every tear shed has been worth it. The blessings are too many to name but trust – I earned this smile on my face. Now, let me go juice some ginger root to help with this sleeping-under-the fan congestion. Be blessed. Be thankful.