10 Lessons I Learned/Confirmed

About Life in 2015

Some of these are thoughts I have had for some time, but only recently fully accepted. They are reflections of my current beliefs. A year from now, things may be different and certain points might no longer feel true for me, but as of December 31, 2015 this is where I stand.

I have learned some really painful lessons about relationships in the past year. Please note the word relationship is not limited to my love life but applies to all of my relations with other human beings. As I mature, I am growing to believe that we underestimate the impact friendships and platonic relationships have on our lives. We spend a disproportionate amount of time talking about romance but there is so much growth to be found in other areas of life.

If there were a title for 2015, it might be “Innocence Lost”. Idealistic, but no longer naïve, still somewhat innocent but grown as hell and with an eagle eye for fronting and bullshit energy, I am still taking a stand for love as often as possible. It can be a challenge once we begin to acknowledge the depths of human nature and how flawed our species can be. Choosing to stand in love makes the reality pill easier to swallow. It also serves as a reminder to focus on the good in the midst of so-called negative experiences. As I write this list I realize I have about 20 more lessons to share so I may do another post but here goes:

1. Listen to my gut. My intuition will not lie to me. Details are not always necessary.
2. I need community. As an extroverted introvert and empath, I enjoy my own company but I am remembering that no woman is an island. Good people give us good energy and good energy nourishes our minds, souls and bodies. Sometimes this means talking myself into going to events.

3. Energy matters. I am sensitive and pick up on the energy of others. It impacts my peace of mind so I have to use discernment when it comes to the people I hang around and allow into my personal space.
4. Quiet, seemingly “nice” people can be at the same time manipulative, bitchy drama queens. Stay woke. Once again, trust the gut.
5. People lie. People will lie. Grown ups will lie. Accept it.
6. Anxiety looks different on different people. I normalized certain kinds of stress so much so I didn’t know when I was stressed. I have learned how to see myself and pay attention to the signs. Self-awareness rocks.
7. Stress triggers all kinds of physical health ailments in my body. I feel better when I manage and release stress. I must be vigilant in my efforts to avoid stress, shut it down and accept that sometimes doing this means others will not like me.
8. Yes, I have good love but I cannot love others into being better people. They have to want that on their own and then they have to do the work to transform themselves and their lives.
9. There are grown women who simply do not have the capacity to process their emotions, communicate directly and speak up when it is important. They disappoint and hurt others unintentionally. It’s hard but don’t take it personal. Distance from them when you need to do so.
10. Some people are self-absorbed, selfish, lack thoughtfulness and consideration and you calling them out is futile. They cannot see what they do not want to see. Acceptance and release is the only option.

Sitting here at 5am re-reading this list and it looks like my rose colored glasses are definitely stored in the case these days. I am an optimistic realist now. Objectivity is a useful muscle to build. It allows us to view life without living inside of a story. One of my intentions for 2016 is to become a better leader in my professional life and a better partner in my personal life so I anticipate a major break through in self-understanding. Taking notes on the life lessons is an important part of the process. Being willing to be objective helps us to be accountable for what transpires in our lives and it can also help us in practicing Don Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements: